Here are some art highlights from the Modern Museum of Art in Fort Worth, Texas. We looked at all of these (some goodies include Shahn, Still, Pollock, Rothko, Kiefer, Ando, Bacon, Innes and more!) and then went up to the Diebenkorn Ocean Park Series and saw some really beautiful paintings, prints and drawings from that. Then we had to leave because Rooka had gotten loose back in Dallas and the rest of that day was a blur...ending in a miraculous, somewhat fated-feeling finding of the dog resting under some trees next to a major interstate just in time for all of us to make it to a rehearsal dinner and happily begin the next few days of wedding affairs.
After nearly losing my little dog and then getting into yet another accident that was ill-fated and again, unavoidable and the fault of another driver, leaving me feeling...again...scarily helpless...I am beginning to feel that my life is a little out of sorts and needs some restructuring. That which I care most about is being teased away only to be given back the last minute after I've nearly surrendered inside completely, and I am literally getting two-ton metal machines thrown at me, forcing me to stop. Look around. Appreciate that I (and others) are still alive. And proceed, perhaps differently, somehow. This brings me to the point I have been considering considerably lately. That there are lessons to learn. And you must learn them. And if you push them away or try to make them wait, they may change form or person or shape or whatever, but they will always represent themselves to you. Because it is never the detail, the person, the exactness of anything that is the challenge, but the underlying feelings and personal difficulties this "thing," let's say, raises within you. If something or someone is difficult, it is because there is something in me that I have yet to understand or confront. An animal could make me feel the same way a person does. Or a car accident could make me feel the way my job does. And one way or another, one form or another, these things have to be worked through. Or we'll never break out of the cycles. And I am TRYING. In more ways than I can count, I am throwing myself at every thing that I find frustrating and challenging. And that's the best I can do. I never stay stuck. I miss art. I'm leaving my second job so I can get back to making it. And I realize the lack of "creation" in my life is a huge source of the disharmony.