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Maybe these photos are already getting old, but the point is that they've given me material to continue to work with in between all Director duties when I'm at home. Sometimes I still laugh at that title.
Thinking a lot of childhood as of late. Not sure why. But I see it in these things as I write/make/art/edit and so on.
Texas soon. A wedding. Dresses. Drinks. The Texas sky. Warmth. Sun. And family, friends and my little Rooka. A good week coming up, including some fantastic art exhibits to go see. Just have to get through tomorrow and Saturday, which looks like it will be easy thanks to Krista. And finally reading The Alchemist to get me through the airports and flights, upon multiple recommendations.
Study Two of Self. 9.27.11.
I want to sculpt. I want to paint. But I don't really have time for either. So I choose to shoot. And to find the three-dimensional and the painting a place in the act. Thank you, Kirstin, for being a wonderful partner in Arting.
Sometimes I like the Libra.
I am beginning an old ritual again. I used to notice myself, meaning I had a sense of my own identity within any space, dynamic, or environment. This is something that never came naturally, but that I had been working on. I tend to pick up on the feelings, traits, energy of others and assume it myself. This can be a wonderful accident sometimes. But a terrible spiral into confusion other times. There is nothing that surprises me more than when you go six months without putting your hair down and when finally you do, quite suddenly, you realize it is so much longer than you've thought it to be for some time. How did you not notice? I don't like not seeing myself. And I use that word loosely. With the hectic nature of work lately and all the time spent doing, being, working FOR others, to produce what others need and expect for one reason or another, I feel more loose-footed than I'd like to. Yoga helps. Having a dog helps. Having a stable home helps. But, alas, these are not quite enough. So in an effort to make it THIS obvious to myself, I am going to continue "self" studies of one sort or another-one day a drawing, another a photo, another some free association ramblings...in order to literally reacquaint myself with something I have lost touch with. I am a horribly mutable person. I like this when I know I am working well with it but that takes constant checking in. And perhaps more solitude. I have about two and a half months ahead that will surely be trying in so many ways. And I want to come out better and happier. And more likely, in the future, to not suddenly find myself with hair down to my knees without having meant it to be that way or knowing how it got there, so to speak. Study One of Self. 9.26.11.
Oh the portraits I shall do...if I can get the time away.
Aww, painting.
I would like to have time and energy to paint.
I would like to enter pieces that aren't a year old into group shows.
Also, to read.
And to have weekends off.
And to work on developing the portrait photography part of my "studio."
I would really like to not be anxiety ridden all the time.
I WOULD LIKE TO COOK.
And to spend more time taking long leisurely walks with Rooka.
I want to finish my curtains.
And sculpt.
And to feel like my creative and inquisitive self again.
Unfortunately, there may only be one solution to this problem. And I'm probably going to have an ugly couple of months ahead getting to the point where I can get back to all these things. But there are these things I am not willing to sacrifice. And lately, I feel they've been hijacked. I want them back. And I do not feel like myself without them. Aww, crud. Sometimes you piss people off just trying to do the right thing. That is never easy. Just keeeeep swimming just keep swimming! What a whirl.
Today started wonderfully...Rooka wagged her tail. I was early for work. I had a delicious dirty chai tea latte. AND, I got these tickets for the opening reception at the Everson, Friday. Sadly, this event which marks a milestone for me also happens to be at the exact same time as another engagement...I am going to make this work somehow! But yes...these are all good things that happened today. Though the rest of the day tried very very hard to bring me down, I will say it did not completely succeed, as I am still happy about this event coming up.
The tickets are horribly ugly, so here is a silly picture of me WITH the tickets to better illustrate the excitement and merriment they have inspired.
About all the rest...asdfaiodfalsdfadghajfadfadsfl. Something's got to give. Depending on the day, what that thing looks like it will be changes. But I can say...it is more and more clear with time that I want to go back to school. I have for a while, and though I weave on and off the path that I think may lead there, I like to think that it is, albeit indirectly, getting me there. I've always been swervy.
THIS...my dear friends (and mom) is Alex at 11mm and at 16mm. THIS LENS IS AWESOME! Wide angle everything! I feel so good about this purchase. I waited 9 hours, biting my nails and when the UPS man got here, Alex laughed at how high pitched my voice was while I answered the door.
Today, is a good day.
I gotta go find me some vistas.
This is my Still Life. That is always moving.
Candles, old chairs, the New York Times, wedding invitations, grandpa's woodwork, shims, lenses, dog treats, succulent arrangements, New York Times bags and plastic grocery bags, lighters, bills, math scribbles on backs of receipts, Iverhart Plus heart worm medication, pottery, clothing tags, water bottles, paper towels, sunglasses, bottle openers and peanuts.
This is what I look at when I start and end my day. And it sums it all up. The efforts, victories, failures, frustrations, challenges, progress, hurdles...it's all here on this dining room table.
But there is this at about 7:45 every morning-the very first thing I experience every day...and this little wagging tail is so special, I can't even explain how it makes it all so much better:
Since familiarity with umlauts in the US is a little uncommon (veterinarians, vet assistants, friends, strangers on the street that we pass on walks...however art historians would do well!) we're debating how we will spell this name. But it is chosen! Pronounced more or less like Rooka, but spelled Röka, properly. The name is loosely derived from the Norse mythological event Ragnarök, when the wolves eat the moon and the gods and then the earth is reclaimed by nature...then there's more, but that's the part we liked. Anyway, as dramatic as her namesake may be, she's still silent as ever and still shy. To be expected. We don't anticipate this changing for some time, but we do everything we can in the meantime to make her as happy as a dog can be. She generally stays put, so she's an easy doodle subject. I like drawing her fluffy little face!
I miss actually CREATING art. I've been facilitating the creation of art by others, professionally now and as rewarding as that has been, I do miss doing it myself. I wish so much I had taken dance when I was younger. It is AWESOME getting to scout for dancers and watch reels (they're so GRACEFUL!). I love that job. But lately it gives me a little twinge of pain to be so busy. I am supposed to paint Alex's mother a cat. It shall be done! I have a couple of professional shoots of this kind or that coming up in the somewhat near future. The new lens is only a couple days away from being mine! (at least monetarily...:( shipping takes time too). Who knows...feeling generally confused about directions lately. If I were in the Hobbit...I would be in Mirkwood without the faintest idea of when or how I'll get out. Waiting for the wood elves to scoop me up any moment now. Then I have to find the river.
